Mazel Tov! Nu, what took you so long? I’ve been lying in this ferkakte box waiting for you after schlepping all the way here from the Old Country. I must be meshugge!

Now that I’m staying with you, I hope you take good care of me as if I was your Bubbie.

First, get me out of this plastic bag. I’m starting to shvitz in here!

Turn me over and pull down the zipper on the back of my shmatte, there you will see my battery box.

Slide the switch over to the ON position. You shouldn’t have to futz with me too much to figure it out!

Once you turned on the batteries, zip me back up please – nobody wants to see my tuches! Oy vey!

Now, let’s be freilekh and have some fun!

Place me on a flat surface standing up – my legs are not what they used to be. Don’t be a klutz and drop me! I’m an alter kocker!

Now you need to depress my hand to hear me kvetch, kibbutz, and do my shtick! (You know I’m old, so I only say one line at a time.)

Some of my phrases have music attached to them and others don’t. What can I say? Farsheyst?

So, after each phrase or dance, you need to give this bubbie a bisl pinch on the hand to hear what else I have to complain about.

My hand also is the on/off switch. So if you want to stop me from talking like a chatty Yenta, simply depress my hand.

Now that you understand how I work, I look forward to giving you much enjoyment. I’m so excited you’ve invited me into your home! I want to plotz!

Oy, is it a mekhaye to give you all such nakhes by sharing a bisele Yiddishkayt!